Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
