What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
