I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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