One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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