How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
