my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
