guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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