No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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