I didn't shave. On purpose
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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