I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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