That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
