So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
