I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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