If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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