Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
