Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
this is an emotional support booty call
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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