Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
