in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
