her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
