Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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