Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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