everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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