yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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