I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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