I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
