I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
