So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
