; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
