You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
