He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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