Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
