She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
