Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
