The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
