you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You may now shotgun with the bride
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
