Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
