i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
