yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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