I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
