i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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