I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
