well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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