Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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