false alarm. still invincible.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
