I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
