I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
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the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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