just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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