that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
