I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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