Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
