Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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