I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
