So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
