shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
