we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
