i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
