He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
