Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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