Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
