i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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