can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
