i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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